JOURNAL NO. 6
July 1973 -  October 1973
Age 15

"Is this what it is to be in love?  Sometimes I wonder."



 

July 12, 1973
32 days until Camp Firwood!

Dad's day off ... he bought me this new ledger when he went to the store this morning. I cut my hair again this morning. It looks awful!!  But there was nothing I could do - I had to trim it, to even it up. It really looks crummy, and I feel just sick about it ... but what could I do?  

Clarence just called to tell me that him & Roger are going to go play basketball at Boulevard. Woopee.

Later:

When Dad went to the store later in the afternoon, Clarence and Tim (O'B.) dropped by for about an hour. We just sat around in the living room, talking and stuff, and we watched "The Girl In My Life" and "F Troop." Tim is really pretty nice when he wants to be. When Dad came home, Tim helped me carry in all the groceries, and then he and Clarence went home. Dick and me sat outside in the sun for a while before dinner ... listened to Dick's new tapes. Eight tracks!  The James Gang and Grand Funk Railroad, as I recall. Eight tracks were the absolute latest in technology.  Dinner was boiling bag beef w/mashed potatoes and green beans.

Clarence said he was gonna come over at 6:00, but when 8:30 rolled around and no show, I thought "The heck with it!" and went to bed. So at 9:00 Dad came in and said, "If you're sleeping, what am I supposed to do with Clarence, standing on the front porch?" !!! I jumped out of bed SO FAST ...  

At first he was in kind of a rotten mood, but things got better. We watched "Kung Fu" - he left at about quarter to 11. Hope he doesn't get in trouble! He said he's going to come over tomorrow at eleven, BUT ... knowing him, I can expect to see him come strolling in at about 2:30 or so.

 

 


 

Friday
July 12, 1973

Got up real early and washed the dishes.  Sang the new song I wrote about 40 million times. A typical lazy day ... Clarence called once, to say he was busy paneling his bedroom and might not be over till late. How late? Who knows ... He also told me that his family decided not to move! Praise the Lord for that!  I was sorta worried -- there was a chance that the airport might buy out their house, but rather than move they've decided to stay and "fight it out." I'm glad of that.  Eventually all of our houses  -- every house I lived in during my childhood and teen years, plus all our neighbors' houses  -- would be torn down by the airport (aka the evil Port of Seattle).  But that was another 10-15 years in the future.  In the meantime, we all lived with the threat of imminent bulldozing.

Made a complete checklist for camp, of all the stuff I need to pack. Also started figuring the cost of all the assorted junk I'll have to buy before I go, like shampoo, film, makeup, etc. I ran myself up a bill of $25.50!!  No way!!  I'm gonna have to cut back somewhere, depending on the Lord to provide the extra $$$.

When Dad got home from work I was deeply engrossed in the movie "The Phantom of the Opera." I hopped on Dick's bike and rode down to Karen's for a minute, to pick up my shirt that she borrowed a month ago. She's leaving on the 10 day Bus Caravan with the high school church group tomorrow, up in Canada. Both her and Lisa are so tanned, it's sickening. Especially Lisa ...

When I got home (BAD CRAMPS), Christy and Pam dropped over for a little while on their bikes. We stood out in the driveway and talked for about 1/2 an hour, mostly about Clarence and John  (Christy's boyfriend) and stuff. Dinner was pizza and Pepsi, how nourishing.

Now it's almost 8:00 and Clarence hasn't called or come over or anything. What's he gonna do, pull another stunt like he pulled last night?

 

 


 

Saturday
July 14, 1973

A very boring day, but a pretty good night. Clarence was busy helping his family panel the downstairs so he couldn't come over. So I spent the day watching "The Monkees," "American Bandstand" (special guests, The DeFranko Family), listening to the radio, typing, etc. It was SO HOT out!!

Started reading "Mrs. Mike" by Benedict and Nancy Freedman ... what a good book. I've finished six chapters already.

Dinner was a chicken pie and mashed spuds. Oh yah, Dad and me, right before dinner, had to go over to Grandma and Grandpa's to pick up his pictures. At about 6:30 Clarence called ??? to say he was coming over. We watched TV most of the evening and he was in a pretty good mood.

Right before he left at 11:30:

Terri: "This is gonna sound kinda dumb ..."
Clarence: "Yah? What is it?"
Terri: "Will you answer me truthfully?"
Clarence: "Yes, what?"
Terri: "Well ... do you love me?"
For his "answer" he grabbed me and kissed me, and said, "Yes, yes I do!"

He's always saying he loves me, but I don't know ... I guess I just need reassurance.

When he left I found his wallet laying on the couch. I guess it must have fallen out of his pocket. So I wrote him a little love note and tucked it in there for him to find.

Had a glass of warm chocolate milk ... now I'm deliciously drowsy, and want to go to bed. But Dad's friends will be coming over in a little while - it's 12:30 now - and they'll probably keep me awake, laughing and talking. Bad cramps (still) ... "that" time is coming.

 

 


 

Sunday
July 15, 1973

I didn't go to church this morning - instead, when I first woke up, I read a couple more chapters of "Mrs. Mike." GOOD BOOK! Then I layed out in the living room, reading the paper and watching TV with Dad. The girls next door left today, so I don't have to worry about them anymore.  I'd forgotten all about this!  A couple of extremely obnoxious teenage girls were staying with our next-door neighbors for a few weeks that summer.  For some reason they decided to hate me on sight: every time I left the house, I could hear them making cracks about me or Clarence.  I never did figure it out, and I definitely never attempted to befriend them.  So it was a relief when they finally left  ...  I could walk outside my own door without fear of unprovoked ridicule, once again.

Clarence came over around 1:00 or so, and stayed for a few hours. At first we just sat around in the living room watching "I Spy" with Dad, but that got to be pretty boring so we went outside in the back yard and the hot sun - layed around, listening to the radio and drawing frogs. (?) He stayed until about 5:15 - then Dad and me had hamburgers for dinner. I took a nice, cool shower, used baby oil and baby powder and violet water and the whole shmeal, changed into clean clothes. Then I went outside and played cards for about an hour with Theresa and Heidi, two little neighbor girls (Heidi is so CUTE, a little blonde angel, so sweet).

Clarence called at about 8:30 and said that his mom wouldn't let him out of the house. So I went over there until 10:00. At first we were down in the rec room, watching him and Bob playing pool, but when Bob's friends Terry Bart and Dan Hawley came over and they started lighting up their pipes (with grass), Clarence and me "escaped" into his room. I looked through some of his baby stuff - report cards, pictures, birthday cards, etc. We listened to his tapes, talked, and I wrote him a little note on the back of the picture I gave him. But I had to leave too soon!

Clarence said he doesn't know if he'll see me tomorrow, and the way he said it makes me think he won't.

 

 


 

July 16, 1973
Monday

Woke up at 9:00 this morning when Theresa called. That little brat! I needed all the sleep I could get ... I was up till 2:00 in the morning last night, reading the rest of "Mrs. Mike." It was so sad!  Anyway, Theresa called about six times during the day ... what a pest. She's a sweet kid, but an 8 year old isn't exactly too entertaining for me.

I felt pretty rotten all day - cramps. Laid out in the sun for a while, drying my hair. That was a mistake. I started getting chills and feverish, and worse cramps. So I laid down on the couch and covered myself with a quilt (82 degree weather outside, and me laying there with a quilt) and watched TV. "The Girl In My Life" was so neat!! Some lady and her husband, stationed in Okinawa, were reunited. Touching. Oh, Colleen called today, too - gee, I haven't heard from her in a long time. Grandma called too, and we made plans to go shopping on Wednesday for some patterns and material. I want to make a couple shirts for camp - maybe something in dotted swiss? We'll see.

Clarence dropped by unexpectedly at about quarter to five. Him and me sat out on the porch and talked, mostly about "stuff." He wrote me 2 more poems and gave me a lock of his baby hair (how sweet).

Dinner: terrific pork chops, made with gobs of pepper and Shake & Bake, and creamed peas.

After dinner Dad and me watched "A Touch of Evil." At about 8:00 Clarence came over again. Dad decided to watch "Cannon" (after we watched "The Odd Couple") so Clarence and me went out in the backyard and talked for a long, long time ... it was so neat! I'm so glad that him and me can talk so freely and openly with each other. We talked all about when we first started liking each other, the first time he kissed me, the things we went through to get the other's attention -- all the little schemes and things. Went back in the house and watched part of "Medical Center," about this old Jewish guy who had a live bomb inside of him, and it was set to go off. I never could figure out how that bomb got inside him in the first place. Clarence tried to explain it, but to no avail.

 

 


The tension between my father and my brother finally reached a boiling point.

Tuesday
July 17, 1973

The world is screwed. 

There is a very real chance that Dick might be leaving home tonight, to go live with Grandma St. John ... it all depends on what happens when Dad gets home from work, which should be any minute now. More later.

Grandma did a little shopping for me today - she bought me some stuff for camp, which I've set aside for safe keeping. She bought me 3 packages of "party favors" (Teen Terrispeak for tampons), some mosquito repellent, some Dial Dry Powder deodorant, a roll of film, a small jar of Noxzema, and a couple of flashlight batteries. I'm starting to get a little bit excited about camp, but a lot SCARED, too! I'm gonna miss Clarence SO MUCH!!!

I spent the day laying around the house, total lack of energy. The heat just dragged EVERYTHING out of me -- I didn't even get my work done until right before Dad came home.

Clarence came over at about 4:00, again totally unannounced. We went and layed out in the front yard ... I watched him play with his broken lighter and listened to his stories of him and Sam back in Wilson Creek. Then he came into the kitchen and watched me fix tacos for dinner. He was a BIG HELP - every time I tried to grate the cheese, or slice the tomatoes, or chop the lettuce, he'd come up behind me and try to kiss me, or hug me, or something. He left at 6:00, said he'd be back in about an hour.

I ate dinner - 2 tacos and a glass of milk - and then took a nice long shower, complete with baby powder, cologne, etc. Clarence came back at 7:30, when Dad and I were watching "The Paul Lynde Show."   Tonight Clarence gave me a watch -- a beautiful, beautiful Swiss-made American Heritage pendant watch ... I almost started crying! (King Henry VIII just died on TV.)  I love Clarence so much. I'm not going to break up with him at the end of summer, like I was planning to do.

 

 

 

Wednesday
July 18, 1973

Today - Dick and I just stayed home today, doing a lot of nothing. It was HOT - so I went out and stayed in the sun for a couple of hours.

When Dad came home, Dick and him got into a huge fight. Dad ordered Dick to sit down and said he was going to give him a pigshave, right there. Luckily I interfered, and managed to get the scissors away from Dad, which I promptly HID. In the rage Dad was in, he might have killed Dick with those scissors. Dad was being entirely unfair, and I just HATED him. This wasn't just an ordinary family fight - it was a major battle, the showdown I've been expecting. I kept thinking, "C'mon, Dick, stick up for yourself! Get up and leave!" but he wouldn't. Dick just sat there crying and listening to Dad's hateful tirade.  He wouldn't even listen to Dick, he was so wrapped up in his selfishness. He was so damned bull headed. That's one thing about my father -- he can never admit he's wrong, about anything. And Dick won't stand up to him. So I did -- I tried reasoning with Dad, but he wouldn't listen to me. So I just said, "I think this whole thing is SICK" and walked out.

Clarence was sitting outside - he came over at 3 -- and him and me talked for a long time. We talked about the kind of house we want someday, and how many pets. Dad simmered down after a while, like I knew he would, but his treatment of Dick - my only REAL brother - is making me sick.

Clarence stayed until 10:30, and it was really fun - him, me, Dick and Theresa were hanging around the backyard, playing cards and keep-away with the frisbee, etc.

 

 

July 17, 1973

Terri -

Well, I'm glad we are going to gether. And I hope we never break up. And I do Love You more than anything I know of. The reason I wright ya pomes is cause I love you. I can't put to words what I really fell, But I love you more than any person or any thing. Sometime I do get mad, and I don't blame you. Maybe that the reason or something. And sometime I wonder, some thing? If anything will happen to us, but I hope not. I'm not used to wrighting about this sort of thing. And sometime I wonder, You did Like bake then. But know I know. All these mistakes don't blame. OK. When you read this don't - (you know -) think its stuiped or something. But I do Love Ya. Very Very much. Well I don't know what the H--l to say. But this one thing is the way I can say. That is I Love You. And I hope we never break up.

Love Always,

Clarence

 

 

 

Thursday
July 19, 1973

Today: Everything seemed to go wrong this morning - from gashing my finger on a knife, to dropping a jelly jar on the floor and stepping on the glass with my bare feet. Dick was outside gardening, and I walked over to Grandma and Grandpa's. We had a long talk about Dick and Dad, and all the fights and stuff. They think that Dick should leave home - I agree. While there, I picked up a bunch of stuff to take to camp - some towels, shampoo, camera film, etc. Theresa came over at about 4:00 and brought Karen Hayden (the Joseph's little half-sister) with her. We played cards out in the backyard, and played Frisbee. Then Clarence came over, Karen left, and we 4 sat out in the backyard listening to Dick's tapes. I hada chicken pot pie for dinner, and then at 8:00 we went over to Clarence's. I stayed until 11:30. Dan Hawley was there too, and we watched "Kung Fu" together.

 

 

 

Friday
July 20, 1973

Dad's day off. I went over to Grandma Vert's house again, to do a great big laundry. While I was waiting for my clothes to get clean, I practiced the piano a little. Grandpa drove me home at 2:30 - Dad was taking a nap, so I took a shower, washed my hair and changed into clean clothes. Then I read my letter from Mark and watched "F-Troop." Theresa came over at 4:00 and I babysat her for an hour. I washed an entire mountain of dirty dishes while her and Dad watched "Bonanza" in the living room. When she left, Clarence called and asked me to come over tonight, because he's painting his bedroom and "wanted someone to talk to." Dinner was chicken and fried rice.

After "Star Trek" was over (it was The Companion episode), I walked on over to Clarence's. His mom was sitting in the kitchen talking to her mother - Clarence's grandmother. Clarence, Bob, Steve and Mike were all down in the basement painting, hammering and rearranging. (They've been busy repelling the entire downstairs for the past few days.) I just sat and watched them work for about an hour. I watched Clarence drag his furniture into his new room ... when he finally gave up, at about 9, we just sat on his bed talking, listening to Bob tell his harelip jokes (Bob is cute!) and "stuff." I stayed until 11:30, and then Clarence walked me home.  Everybody was in bed so I stayed up and watched the first hour of "In Concert" (The Guess Who and B.B. King). Dreamed that Dad married Aunt Elva, and we all moved into the house next door. (?)

 

 

 

Saturday
July 21, 1973

One year ago today it was the last day of Camp Firwood - how sad! Remember, I went over to Kerry's, watched him and George play pool, then kissed George goodbye. Sob!

I did it. I actually did it. I cleaned my room! While Dick and Dad went to haul the garbage, I attacked the mess. I did it all - even cleaned my closet, my desk drawers, my tape recorder. Now it's clean, clean, clean.

I was so hot when I finally got done, I took a shower, ate my beef TV dinner and put on all my makeup. Clarence called and then came over. We watched TV as usual, but it wasn't all that great because

(entry ends abruptly)

 

 

 

Sunday
July 22, 1973 12:10 a.m.

I wish I could stop worrying about high school!! I know that sounds kind of weird - me sitting around at midnight, in the middle of JULY, worrying about school, but it's true! I can't even get any sleep - I keep thinking, and wondering, and SHAKING. I'm petrified!!! I keep wondering, what's it gonna be like? Am I going to be popular, or what? Will conflicting schedules and stuff break up Clarence and me? I can't help but hope things at Glacier turn out to be a little better than things were in junior high school. These past three years at Sunset were the worst three years of my life, socially and scholastically speaking. So naturally I want things to be better - you know, higher grades, more friends, more activities, popularity, the whole bit. I'm not asking to be a cheerleader anymore, or a class officer or any of that -- I've tried before, and I've learned that I just don't have what it takes. No. All I want is to be more accepted, more liked, by everybody. I'm hoping that the rest of my class will have matured enough to abolish the old clique system - when all the cheerleaders and presidents and big shots all hang around together, excluding everyone else. The Cool Kids Lunch Table, in other words.  But knowing the way things usually go, all the big shots from Sunset and all the big shots from Glendale and Puget will probably glom together and form one massive clique. Total exclusion ... that's what I predict. The future doesn't really look all that rosy, does it?

And, of all the screwy things to be worrying about, I'm worrying about my wardrobe!!! Geez!  I'm so afraid that I'm not gonna have enough money, that my clothes are going to look chintzy and "wrong." I shouldn't be worrying so - I'm sure the Lord will provide. He always does, so why shouldn't He now?

Enough.

Today: lounged around in my nice, CLEAN bedroom until 3. I made this really weird tape recording on Dick's cassette recorder, for when I come home from camp.

I finally get the ring I've been craving for a year. 

Clarence came over at 3:00 and he gave me a ring!!! I was so happy, I gave him a great big hug! (we were standing out in the driveway). It's a pretty nice ring, my birthstone in a silver setting. And it fits perfectly! (Size 6)  Him and me sat in the living room with Dad for a while, watching all the Sunday afternoon shows (boring). We ate an early supper of steak and mashed potatoes & gravy - I worked a little bit on my scrapbook, sorting out letters and newspaper clippings and stuff - I got 2 phone calls, 1 from Mom who's coming over tomorrow to "talk" to Dick and me (uh oh, here it comes - the invitation to move in with her, which I must refuse*) and 1 from a hysterical Christy - John's home, and he doesn't have her phone number, and she can't call him, and she lost his bracelet, etc. etc. Then Clarence and me walked to Albertsons, where he bought his "dinner" - a bag of Doritos and a quart of chocolate milk. While there we ran into Don Streich (cool guy). Then we just sat around the living room again until Dad went to bed.

Clarence, me and Dick watched some movie about car racers, and Clarence and me were in the BEST MOOD! He kept trying to kiss me after eating Doritos, which I HATE. And then when he crushed my cracker, man ...

After he left I watched "Thriller" (Elizabeth Montgomery was the vampire) and went to bed.

* I assumed Mom was going to "invite" both of us to live with her, and I was worried about hurting her feelings.  But then the invitation only went out to my brother, which left me feeling vaguely rejected.

 

 

Monday
July 23, 1973

Today: Dick and me got up early and did all our work and stuff.

Mom came over at 10:30 and stayed for an hour ... it's all settled. Dick is going to go live with Mom, and he's leaving tomorrow. Dad thinks that Mom just invited Dick over for a two week "vacation" - he doesn't realize that it's going to be permanent. (Yes he did, I think.) That just breaks my heart - I've lived with Dick for fourteen years. We've ALWAYS been together, and we've always had each other to lean on. Now I won't even have that. I'm gonna miss him terribly, but I know it's for the best.

After she left (she brought my little sister Debbie with her - what a monster), Dick took off with Pat, so I was alone. Clarence came over at about 2:30, when I was sitting in the living room watching TV. He was in a great mood! He stayed until 5:00, when he had to go home and eat dinner. My dinner was a chicken pie and "Star Trek" in my room. He came back at around 7:00, and we sat around until Dad went to bed. Then we had fun!

He actually asked me to marry him!!

Clar: "Will you marry me?"
Me: "Uh huh."
Clar: "When?"
Me: "In two and a half years."

Clar and me are always talking about getting married, and raising a family and stuff. I love the name "Bryce" for a boy, but Clar hates it! And of course I've already lined up the name "Denna Jeanne" for my daughter. (Right, Jamie and Kacie??) Plans, plans, plans.

Oh, and something I don't want to think about, 'cause I get mad every time I do think about it -- I talked to Jerry T. a little bit, when he rode his bike past my house, and remember what he told me? Oooh, that still hurts everytime I think about it ... maybe I'll write it down someday when it isn't so painful. (Too bad I DIDN'T write it down, because I haven't a clue what this was all about.  Probably something about my old church friends, who I rarely saw anymore.)

 

 


 

Wednesday
July 25, 1973

Early morning - can't seem to "get my engine started." Lawnmower woke me up at 6:00, so I got almost zero sleep ... as a result, I am now dead. I've got all the work to do today, everything, all the housework, everything from washing the dishes to cleaning the fireplace to taking out the garbage to scrubbing out the bathroom. That's unfair! I think that I shouldn't be responsible for ALL the work! Dad should realize that.

Lynne (my cousin) had a baby girl! She's going to call her Wendy.

Clarence came over at 1:10. We just sat around in the living room, talking and "stuff." He also "helped" me wash the dishes. Ha!  He went home to eat dinner at about 5:00. Dad and I had hamburgers for dinner (I ate 2). Then I took a shower, washed my hair and got all "prettied up" ... went over to Clarence's at 6:30. Him and me went into their rec room, where I watched him shoot a couple of games of pool. He kept trying to persuade me to play him a game, but I wouldn't. I am ROTTEN at pool. When he got tired of that, we decided to go out and walk around. He was wearing these really dorky looking pants, tight, pink, with writing all over them. So he decided to change. I waited for HALF AN HOUR, waiting for him to find some decent pants. All his good ones were either ripped or dirty, so he finally decided on these really UGLY pants. I didn't want to say anything but they really looked terrible. Just as we were leaving the house, to my immense relief, he changed his mind, went back and put on some different pants and shirt. Then he really looked terrific! We walked over to my house so he could get his Air Force jacket. Then we walked to Albertsons, where he bought us 2 Creamsicles and a can of root beer. We went over to the church, but everybody was at Bible Study. I bought a "Campus Life" magazine (now I owe Clar a dollar) . We hung around Boulevard for a while, then went to my house. Dad went to bed and we watched the last 1/2 hr. of "The Letters" and "Owen Marshall."

 

 


 

 

Thursday
July 26, 1973

This morning at 12:30 Grandma and Grandpa picked me up, and we went over to Burien. At Discount Fabrics, I bought patterns and material to make 2 new blouses for camp. They're going to be so cute! (if they turn out all right)

When I got home (around 2:00) I found a letter from Tom* ... it really upset me ... he wants me to break up with Clarence. FORGET IT!!

 

 


 

Friday
July 27, 1973

Three years ago today, my dog Rowdy was hit by a car and killed. 

I spent most of the day (9:30 until about 3:00) over at Grandma Vert's, sewing. I got about 3/4 of the way done with one of my blouses ... I even did up the shoulder and side seams, the neck facing, the white eyelet sleeves and the front/back tie. It was really fun and surprisingly easy.

When I got home, Clarence dropped over for about an hour, then Dad and me went shopping at Valu Mart. I was going to buy some pants for camp but they didn't have what I wanted. But I DID buy another bathing suit - one that FITS! - for $5.00, and a new shirt (pink w/white checks) for $4.00. Clarence came over at 7:00. We walked over to Albertsons, where he bought a bunch of junk to eat and I bought a "Teen" magazine.

 

 

 

Saturday
July 28, 1973

I am actually having a nervous breakdown ... God, it's just too much!! I can't handle it all by myself, the load is too heavy. Nobody cares - I'm all alone. I feel like I'm the only one alive in the whole universe, empty and isolated God my head is pounding, reeling, searing pain ... even Clarence is gone, gone. Dick called me a fucker, when I screamed and told him I couldn't stand to look at his face. It's too much, it's too much and I am so very tired.

Later:

When I wrote that, I really was suffering from some kind of breakdown. Something is happening to me - I can feel it. My nerves are shot - I get cranky and irritable at the least little thing. Maybe it's the heat, or the meals I've been skipping, or not taking my iron pills, or a lack of sleep - or a combination of it all. Anyway, I feel miserable. Clarence hasn't called me all day, which really adds to the jolly atmosphere of this day.  No one had ever heard of PMS in those days.  

In two weeks I'll be leaving for camp. Good? Bad? Hard to tell at this point. I'm gonna miss Clarence like hell ... but maybe it'll be fun. We'll see.

 

Count me madly in love with you

 

 

MY LIFE TODAY

  • Moved my furniture around (again) 
  • My best friend and I are best friends again 
  • No sleep at night, thanks to Lawnmower barking
  • Owe letters to Tom, Mark, D.D., Cindy, Nancy 
  • My new cactus 
  • Camp Firwood in 2 weeks!! 
  • My new scrapbook 
  • Clarence is a Christian now!  A Christian with a raging hard-on.
  • Sewing, sewing, sewing for camp 
  • Started going to church again 
  • High school in the fall ... GULP

 


 

 

July 29, 1973
Sunday

I'm so happy ... the wonderful, the unbelievable, the beautiful has happened - tonight, Clarence became a Christian. I can hardly believe it but it's true. After church tonight (a terrific movie & a guest speaker from Berkeley), Clarence went into Tom's office and had a nice, long talk, all about how to become a Christian ... and then he accepted Jesus into his heart. It's so beautiful.

 

 


 

July 31, 1973
Tuesday

I'm sorry, Ledger  - I've really been neglecting you lately. I just can't seem to find the time to sit down and write to you ... my spare moments are filled with thought. Things are starting to shape up. Since last Sunday night, when I went back to church again for the first time in a long time, Karen has started calling & coming around again. Yesterday her, Clarence and me walked all the way over to Thrifty Drugs, and it was just like old times. I bought a couple of packages of poster board and some felt-tip markers. My boyfriend is a Christian now. I've got my best friend back. I'm going back to Camp Firwood in 2 weeks, and there's a chance that Clarence might go on the retreat. ? ? ? ?

 

Is this what it is to be in love? Sometimes I wonder. Spending every waking moment thinking about him ... wondering where he is, what he's thinking about. Seeing him in your dreams, night after night after night. Always concentrating on pleasing HIM, making HIM happy, giving HIM pleasure. Our love is a special love ... a love born of similar interests and conflicting opinions. Our love is ... walking hand in hand through the rain on a Sunday afternoon. Writing me love poems. Drawing each other pictures. Sharing creamsicles and root beer while sitting on the school lawn. Teaching me how to throw a football. Spending 15 minutes "saying goodnight" on my front porch. Going to church together. Looking at the stars on a clear summer night, trying to find the Big Dipper. Holding me steady when I'm standing on a stool, cleaning fingerprints off the ceiling. Sharing a bag of orange circus peanuts and "Mission Impossible." Giving me a cactus. Loving, love and loved ...

Yeah, that's what it is to be in love alright.  Especially the part about the cactus.  And the orange circus peanuts.  I LOVED those orange circus peanuts  ... the way they instantly melted into a pile of orange goo in your mouth, so creamy and orange-y and delicious. You could eat thirty of them in one sitting and not get sick.  Do they still make orange circus peanuts?  I never see them in stores anymore.  Damn, I wish I had a bag of those orange circus peanuts right now  ...

What were we talking about?


 

 

Wednesday
August 1, 1973

Spent a "goodly portion" of this day at Grandma's, sewing. The two smocks that we're working on are almost completed, except for the buttons and buttonholes ... I wish they were finished, so I could wear one to church tonight. Karen invited me to go swimming with her today, but I had to say "no" because I was "too busy sewing." That wasn't the real reason. Actually, I'm scared to death to appear in public with only a bathing suit on - I am pale as a ghost!!! I'm not kidding! For some reason I never, EVER tan, and it makes me feel so miserable. I've tried so hard this summer, by going out and laying in the backyard for long stretches of time, but it doesn't do any good. It's frustrating. Everywhere I look, all the girls are tanned and dark and beautiful, wearing

(entry mercifully ends)


 

 

Friday
August 3, 1973
 

.... well, is he going to call, or come over, or anything? So far, the only thing I've heard from him all day was the two times he called this afternoon ... I hope I see him tonight! He sounded kinda sad the second time he called - I kept asking him what was wrong, but he insisted he was "fine." 

Phone call for Dad (7:40)

8:00 - still no call from Clarence. Dad just now got off the phone. 

Clarence came over at about 8:10.

 


 

 

Sunday
August 5, 1973

It's about 12:00 noon, and I just woke up a little while ago. Now I'm just sitting here in bed, "contemplating." Should I get up or no? Me body say no, me spirit say yes.

Dad had one of his "wild parties" again last night - Gravel Gertie and some of his other friends. So I went over to Clarence's at about 8:30 and didn't get home until 1:30. I didn't even get into trouble for coming home at that unearthly hour! It was fun. Clarence "attempted" to teach me how to play pool, but I'm afraid his efforts were futile. I couldn't manage to hold the cue stick right, and I couldn't shoot with enough strength. Bob started hanging around then, which made Clarence MAD. Bob is trying to get my attention, by talking to me, hanging around, etc. ... and from what Clarence says, based on previous experience, he's trying to take me away. Hmm. I don't mean to make Clarence jealous (yes I did) but I enjoy hanging around Bob - he's cute, and funny. But I love Clarence, I don't love Bob, and I don't think I ever could. He's about as non- Christian as you can get! When him, Clarence and me were upstairs in their living room, watching Roller Derby, Bob was sitting right there, toking away on his pipe, drinking wine. I don't want any of that! I DID drink some of his wine but that's because I was curious to see how it tasted (sherry mixed w/diet cola: it was terrible). Maybe I DID make too much of a point of hanging around him ... like going out in the rec room to watch Bob play pool for a sec (Clarence: "See? He's just trying to get you out there") and going upstairs to get a doughnut (or two) from him. That made Clarence mad.

Enough.

Clarence and me went walking down to Sunset Park at about 10:30, talking and stuff. Sat on the swings, went on the merry-go-round, etc. Almost went to sleep, laying beside Clarence on his bed. (During that interval he had me completely "down south.")

I had weird dreams last night: I dreamed that it was the first day of school, and Dick and me lived with Grandma again. I didn't have ANY new school clothes so I had to wear my smock as a dress - a very SHORT dress. Awful! (I also) dreamed that I was pregnant. (?) And the night before that, I dreamed I had a baby girl. (??)

One week from right now, I'll be on my way to Firwood ... and I have very mixed emotions. I sorta wish I didn't have to go.

Now you know that you are real
Show your friends that you and me
Belong to the same world
Turned on to the same word.
Have you heard?
Now you know that you are free
Living all your life at ease ...

-- The Moody Blues --

 

 

Early evening

A rainy day spent watching "The Blue Lagoon" and listening to the radio in my room. No word from Clarence at all (6:19 and 10 seconds, BEEP).

After 7: Still no word. A little worried.

Shoot! Clarence came over at about quarter to 8, but he could only stay about an hour - seems he's on restrictions for 2 weeks. Nice.

 

 


Wednesday
August 8, 1973

I'm upset because ... 

  • I just found out my grades - two F's, two D's, one C and a B.
  • I failed Spanish.
  • There's a sore bump on the roof of my mouth.
  • My nose is runny.
  • My room is starting to get dirty again.
  • There's dog crap all over the living room rug.
  • Spiro Agnew is bellowing out in the living room.
  • I'm mad at my mother.
  • Dad's mad at me for drinking his Pepsi last night.
  • My hair is cut unevenly.
  • I have to leave for camp in four days, and I don't want to go.
  • I love Clarence too much.
  • Grandma made my shirt with dorky looking sleeves.
  • I'm worried about high school.
  • Clarence tried to make love to me last night, and failed miserably. He wants to "try again."
  • I've got to think of another good excuse to get out of the house tonight.
  • I'm starting to miss Clarence already.
  • It's 12:30 and my day hasn't even started yet.
  • I've got a mess of work to do.
  • There's a pile of dirty dishes in the sink a mile high.
  • Mom's coming over later to bring me a suitcase.

 

 

There is no written record anymore  --  the pages were long ago ripped out of this journal and destroyed  --  but that Saturday night (August 11, 1973), Clarence and I finally succeeded in *deflowering* each other.  For lack of any place more private (or romantic), we ended up doing it beneath a tree, in the backyard of the empty house next door to my house.  After all of those weeks of build-up  --  all of the making out, all of the speculation, all of the hot and heavy excitement  --  the actual act itself turned out to be painful, embarrassing, decidedly UNromantic and deeply disappointing.  The very next morning, I left for two weeks at church camp  ...  certain that my Christian counselors would take one look at me and KNOW that I was a Fallen Woman.

 

Deflowered

Newly deflowered, leaving for two weeks at church camp
August 1973

 

 

AWAY AT CAMP FIRWOOD FOR TWO WEEKS

August 28, 1973
Tuesday

I got home from camp today - it was so neat!! I can't even describe it. But I did keep a fairly accurate account of everything in my camp notebook, if you're interested. It was beautiful. But it feels good to be home!!! Took a hot hot HOT shower, ate a chicken pie, washed my hair and sat around watching TV with Dad and Clarence (he brought my plants over and then stayed). Maybe when I have lots of time, I'll write about camp.

 

 

 

August 29, 1973
Wednesday

Dear Diary,

Slept in late - mmm, that felt good! Didn't do much of anything at all, except for a few light chores. No letter from Dave (my boyfriend from camp). Naturally I cheated on Clarence while I was at camp.  See: gotta have a boyfriend, everywhere I go.   Maybe tomorrow. Karen Rosenberg called me, we talked for a little bit: she was in my cabin. Mom called too, and said she's set up an appointment for me tomorrow with Mr. Maloney, the sophomore guidance counselor at Glacier. Clarence came over around 2:00, after I got done watching "What's So Bad About Feeling Good?" - we just sat and hinked around a little until Dad got home. Breaded beef patties, mashed "spuds" and gravy for dinner. I went to church tonight with Clarence, what a shock. Tom talked about standards and stuff, and I'm sure every ounce of guilt in me must've shown in my face.

 

 

 

Thursday
August 30, 1973
11:00 a.m.

I just got home from Glacier - all the sophs had to go register today. I can't believe how quick and easy it was! From all the rumors I'd heard, I expected to be waiting around, lost lonely & confused, for 5 or 6 hours, and then ending up with the rottenest classes. Not so! I can't remember my exact schedule, because like a dope I didn't write it down, but I do know I have Sophomore English first period, and Biology 1 & 2 for sixth period, and Clarence is in both of those. For Biology I have some lady, Mrs. Wilson ... Karen's older sister says she's a hard grader. Hmmm.  Hey, I talked to Mr. Maloney before I made out my schedule, and he's really nice.  He WAS cool. Hi Mr. Maloney, if you ever read this  ...  thanks for trying.  He recommended that I take Algebra and Spanish 3 & 4 over again, so I'm going to. The idea doesn't appeal to me much, but I've got to get those two F's off my record. I have some teacher named Sahli for something, and a Claibourne for something. Can't remember any of the other teachers. Della Fratangelo is on cheer, which is no surprise. I didn't recognize any of the other cheerleaders, except there was one with short curly brown hair named Jill, a bunch of cheerleaders with long blonde hair, and one with long, wavy dark hair. I'm sharing a locker with Karen this year.

After registering, Karen's dad brought me home, then Clarence came over for a couple hours (he brought Lawnmower home). No letter from Dave yet! Or from anybody! Roger and Rod (friends from camp) came over tonight, after dinner, and stayed for about an hour. They're two guys I met from camp, super-nice. Clarence came over too, brought his Jim Croce album. After Roger and Rod left, Dad took Thelma to the break (a CB radio party) at Shakey's, so Clarence and me had the house to ourselves. Watched "The Waltons," "Kung Fu" and "Streets of S.F." We got into a fight, sorta - Me: "Well, if you're not gonna talk to me, I certainly am not going to go to any extremes to talk to you." He almost walked out, but it got settled.

I have the feeling I am about to get canned beyond belief - Dad's in a rage about Dick getting into his bedroom today, moving his stuff out, and I lied about being here (I wasn't). He's on the phone now, letting Dick know that he's not allowed back in the house anymore at all. Great.

CLICK goes the phone, Dad's done bellowing. Stormstormstormstorm. I can't wait until this whole thing blows over ... maybe 4 thousand years from now.

 

 

 

Friday
August 31, 1973

Stayed around the home front all day (Dad's day off). Went out once with him to take Thelma's lawnmower and CB base radio back, and we stopped to get a soft ice cream cone. I got a letter from Mark today - he needed the address of The Firs right away, so I called his home to give it to him. He was in school so I talked to his mom and gave it to her. 

I get $80 for school clothes shopping this year ($80 this month, another $80 next month maybe).

My World Today End of Summer ‘73 ... not quite "Golden," but certainly memorable ... Tom W. calling me last night, after more than a year of noncommunication ... the sniffles ... "We're An American Band" by Grand Funk ... new school clothes ... expecting my first letter from Dave Mercer any time now ... a pig pen for a bedroom ... Dick moving out ... chicken pies for dinner almost every night ... my retainer, and many close calls ... the dogs and their fleas ("fles cloras," a la C.G.T.) ... he'll never make it (little neighbor kid Russy Ebel, trying to learn to ride his new bike) ... grapes on the coffee table ... wondering if Clarence is going to come over ...

 

 

And now I am in high school  ...

 

 

Friday
September 7, 1973

This has got to be a candidate for worst day of the year ... man, that Mr. Alliment!! What I'd like to do to that old fart, you wouldn't believe. I know I should love him, as Jesus loved others, but I can't help it. He wouldn't even listen to me. So now my perfect schedule is shot, and (my classes) are all switched around. I should have known something like this would happen. There are only two slight chances of me getting "saved": if I can wangle a P.E. waiver out of the doctor, or if Mr. Maloney weakens and lets my schedule stay the way it was. Maybe? Please Lord? Enough.

Clarence and me are starting all over again with the necking business. Uh-oh.  When I came home from church camp, I said 'no more sex.' Obviously easier said than done.

My scheme to get my waiver is coming along just fine. I have a tentative doctor's appointment on Monday about "my knees" ... please, don't let Dad fall through with this one!! ... and I think the chances are good. Besides, I could take art during 5th period (instead of P.E.) Oh please, Lord.

 

 

 

Sunday
September 10, 1973

Somehow I managed to get out of going to church with Dave S. (a boy from camp) this morning - I feel guilty about it, lying and all, but I really didn't want to go.

I wonder if Clarence, quote, "got the shit kicked out of him," unquote, last night. He left here at 12:30, after Rebecca King, Miss Oklahoma, won the Miss America contest.

My plan is going to work - I get my P.E. waiver tomorrow. Now I just hope they don't change my schedule before I can bring it in.

I love Clarence ... SO MUCH! But somehow I can't help but wonder, "When will all this end?"  Clarence and I talk about marriage. A couple nights ago he said, "I'm gonna marry you as soon as I'm 18 - it doesn't matter if you're only 17." We plan things - what kind of house we want, how many kids, what kind of car, etc. Our secret "engagement" - well, that's kind of a secret between him and me. It's funny - I've never been this close to a guy before. I've only been with him for 5 months, and yet I feel like I've always known him. We can talk to each other about anything - even things that would normally embarrass any other guy. Like, I tell him,

(journal entry ends abruptly)

 

 

 

Monday
September 10, 1973

Well, my "plan" worked ... sort of. Dr. Smith was a real creep about the whole thing - he wasn't going to give me the waiver, but he did. I

(journal entry ends abruptly)

 

 

Friday
Sept. 14, 1973

Today I found out who all the cheerleaders are, during the pep assembly.The uniforms are almost impossible to draw! Heidi and Tracy are identical twins, blonde hair, blue eyes, very pretty. Almost impossible to tell them apart; they were cheerleaders at Glendale two years ago.

 

 

 

 

Saturday
Sept. 15, 1973

I don't know why I've been falling away from you, Ledger - seems I can never find the time or energy to write in you anymore. That's why all my recent entries have been short and incomplete.

Saturday - my favorite day. Woke up around 9:12 in the morn, had to get up and go over to Grandma's. The Fishtival (at church) is today, but I'm not gonna go because I don't have the $$$. Homework in Algebra and Biology, but haven't gotten around to finishing it. Hmmm - any other problems? I still owe a letter to Dave Mercer, only two weeks late. And I wish I could find a way to get out of going to church with Dave S. tomorrow morning, but I can't use the line "I'm on restrictions and can't leave the house" again! I guess I might as well go. It might be kind of neat.

My bedroom is the filthiest and messiest it's ever been - Dad wants me to clean it up this weekend, but I swear, it would take me all day. Yuck, I dread doing it. You know, it's kind of weird: I HATE having a dirty bedroom, but somehow my room is always in terrible condition. I love it when my room is spotless, in perfect order, neat and clean ... so why always the pig sty?? Hmmm.

Later:

I just remembered my dream from last night. I dreamed I made Junior Varsity cheer at Glacier! Ha, fat chance! I don't even want to try out - well, I'd like to try out, but I know I wouldn't make it so why risk another disaster like in 8th grade? It'll probably be a mixture of former Glendale & Sunset cheerleaders. Enough to burst anyone's bubble.

Laterlater:

Oh no, another one of "those" nights -- almost 8:00, wondering if Clarence is going to come over to my house  ... I was such a creep to him on the phone, I wouldn't blame him if he decides not to show.

8:00 and no Clarence. I'm worried. I love him, I don't want him to think I'm mad at him. Here I sit, wet-haired, flea-bitten, watching "The Partridge Family." Funzies.

(Clarence came over at 8:15 and all is well.)

 

 

 

Tuesday
Sept. 18, 1973

An OK day, I guess. "Party" times are here again, and I've got BAD cramps. Ouch. Oh well, it's a big relief, considering. My very first "pregnancy watch."  It wouldn't be the last.

We had Sophomore Testing the first three hours of the day - aptitude tests, with reading comprehension, mechanics, spelling, all that. Super easy. We have them again tomorrow, but this time with math and social studies.

Dave S. invited me to Highline's Homecoming dance but I have to say "no" because of Clarence (loyalty). I wouldn't mind going, but ... I think I'll pass on it.

Hey, I'm gonna dress real "informal" tomorrow - swabbies, green tank top, white blouse. With Soph Testing, what's the point of dressing up?

 

 

 

Thursday
Sept. 20, 1973 9:30 p.m.

Here I sit alone (save for Benji & Lawnmower) in the living room - "Bonnie and Clyde" on TV - fire blazing in the fireplace - sour mouth from Capt. Crunch's Crunchberry Cereal and meatballs - have to iron Dad's work shirt still.


Later (before going to bed):

I'm so upset right now, I can't even write. A movie has never hit me has hard, hurt me as deeply, shocked me as profoundly as this one did. I burst into tears the minute it was over. God, those last few seconds - the look in their eyes, the way they looked at each other for the last time, during the split second before they were killed ... it haunts me.

 

 

 

Saturday
Sept. 22, 1973

A pretty good day. Got up around 10, stashed a bunch of dirty clothes in a laundry bag and went over to Grandma's for the day. We went through the camphor chest, sorting out all the old family "treasures." Mom, Dick and Deb came over for a little while to pick up some of Dick's stuff.

 

 

Things with Clarence were starting to go sour.

Sunday
September 23, 1973

He's ruining my life ... why can't I find the strength to break it off with him, before he destroys me completely? He's always doing things to me - always getting me upset, always hurting me. We're always fighting lately - something's wrong between us. I was in such a good mood before all of this happened today. I was having fun with him, and he was acting like he felt the same. Things were so neat until Kniffen drove by and stopped to pick us up. I guess I'm really dumb, getting upset about Clarence going to play football at the park with his friends. But I can't help it!! It was bad enough that he shoved me into the back seat, and then sat up in the front with his friend - making me feel awkward and unwanted - but then he just goes off with "Kniff," completely forgetting about me. Am I being unreasonable?

Later:

Clarence came back over around 4:00 and needless to say he didn't get a very cordial reception from me. Dad had gone to the store for a minute, so I was home alone, busily slaving over the hot stove concocting chocolate cake and fried rice. The doorbell rang - I peered out the window and saw Kniffen's car driving away - and I thought "Oh great." I went to the door and opened it, and there was Clarence, just like nothing had happened. I just mumbled "Oh hi" and went back into the kitchen, ignoring him for half an hour. After a while I began to feel kinda bad about the whole thing, so I went in and sat by him. We started writing each other little notes:

Clarence: Are you mad at me?

Terri: I'm just hurt by what you did.

Clarence: What did I do?

Terri: I spent a very boring and lonely day here at home while you ran off to play football with all your little friends - that really made me feel unwanted. I invited you over today so that I could be with you, not so you could just run off and leave me here by myself. Besides that, I didn't exactly like it when you shoved me into the backseat of the car, and then you sat up in the front seat - I felt like a fool, I really did, and you hurt me a lot. I'm sorry I feel that way, but I do. You were very inconsiderate of me.

Clarence: I'm sorry Terri, please forgive me if you can, But I asked you if I could play and you didn't care. I'm sorry Terri that I went.

Terri: When you asked me, I cared, I didn't want you to go, but there was nothing I could do to stop you.

Clarence: Yes there was, all you had to say was no and I wouldn't have gone.

Terri: But you could tell I was upset!!

SILENCE ...

Terri: I'd already forgiven you before you came over - please, let's just forget it, OK?

Clarence: OK!

 

 

 

Monday
September 24, 1973

Found out today who the nominees for homecoming royalty are ... all the nominees for Sophomore Princess are former Glendale cheerleaders.

After school I called up Kenny Robbins and apologized for having Clarence call him and threaten to kill him, for calling me a slut. He was so sweet, and obviously relieved about the whole thing. Turns out he hadn't really meant it, he was just saying it to make Dick mad. I'm glad I called him. I was beginning to feel bad about the whole thing.

First period: listened to Mrs. Claiborne, who I am beginning to dislike immensely - she's always picking on Clarence - lecture about adverb and adjective clauses. Zzzz. By the end of my high school career, Mrs. Claiborne would be one of my very favorite people!  Second period, had our yearly Bus Drill, always a big thrill. Third period, Algebra. Fourth period, usual. Nothing else noteworthy happened, except that John Cozart has started saying "hi" to me in the halls now. Hmm. After school Clar and me stopped off at Karen's for a sec to pick up my pants. Then, he came home with me and did my dishes, helped me clean up the living room. He's so sweet. Had dinner of hamburger, cottage cheese and cream pop. Clarence came over around 7, when Dad was over at Jack McCormick's to pick up his radio - we 3 sat around watching "Island of the Lost."

Why does it upset me so much when I have to say goodbye to him? I love him so much. How will it end? When will it end? So much depends upon him - all my dreams surround him. How could we possibly break up? How could we end what we have, this beautiful relationship? Every time I have to say goodnight to him, and then stand on the porch and watch him go down the street alone  ...

 

 

 

 

Wednesday
September 26, 1973

Oh Ledger, it's so good to have you back again!!! Last night I accidentally left you in my locker, and I've been going crazy worrying. I'm SORRY!!!

I'm writing this in Algebra, third period. I'm absolutely famished - didn't have time for breakfast this morning, since my alarm didn't go off and I woke up at 7 - and the hunger pains are starting to get to me.

This is my six month anniversary with Clarence. Six months ago today, Pam Young told me that Clarence liked me. That's how the whole thing started. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, CLARENCE & TERRI!!

I like Mr. Sahli (Algebra teacher) - right now, I think I'd consider him to be my favorite teacher.

Later (5th pr.)

Who is he??? This super-neato, super cool guy that just walked into my study hall class. Hmmm ... he's really something.  We'll never know.

 

 

 

 

Thursday
Sept. 27, 1973

Before bed, a quick rundown on the day's happenings. Wore my tan cords and my pencil yellow sweater, and really felt poorly dressed and "out of it" all day. Highline toilet-papered Glacier THOROUGHLY last night - t.p.'d all the buildings and trees completely, threw shredded up IBM cards all over the grounds, soaped the windows and wrote "Highline Rules!" all over the place, and then tacked up "For Sale" signs everywhere. What a mess! 

In English, I finished reading "The Pearl" way ahead of everyone else. Spanish was more boring than usual - sat there and doodled. Algebra, Mr. Sahli didn't give us the make-up test, which was a disappointment.  In Great Historical Influences, we listened to a tape of some comedian, and then we had a free period. Study Hall - again someone put a pile of "Search" magazines on my desk, so I read them. Richard sat on the other side of the room today - THANK GOODNESS, 'cause he's driving me crazy!!  Biology, finished up our observation lab, and then went to a terrible pep assembly.

 

 

 

 

Sunday
September 30, 1973

A good day. Slept

(entry ends abruptly)

 

 

 

Tuesday
October 2, 1973

A strange day - some good, some bad. My alarm didn't ring, so I woke up at 7:15 - PANIC. I managed to get dressed and slap on some makeup before Karen came to pick me up. Clarence and I had a minor (major?) fight before school even started, because I thought he was ignoring me. Dumb. We managed to resolve that one before class ended. English was an hour of Claiborne's usual bullshit. Spanish was OK, I guess. Two senior guys, Ken Nolton and Dan Clark, were paying a lot of attention to me, asking me what grade I'm in, what my name is, etc.  During Algebra we had our Algebra Prognosis test, which was easyeasyeasy (for once). At lunchtime, I went into the cafeteria and got my pictures, which look like CRAP. My hair is all messed up, and I look like I'm in pain or something. They're awful. Clarence's turned out beautiful, of course.

  

Sophomore picture

My 10th grade picture
1973

During History chose up our "Search" teams (I'm a captain). Study Hall, I wrote a long, serious letter to Mark, and felt Mr. Folsom (or whatever our dorky new teacher's name is) stare at me the whole hour, like he always does. He must find me interesting to watch or something, because he's always looking at me. ("Dorky" Mr. Folsom turned out to be one of the more inspiring and influential teachers I had while in high school.  Funny how I start out hating the ones I end up liking the most.) In Biology, Miss Wilson was in another TERRIBLE mood. Yesterday she was really mad at our class because of the crummy report she got from Friday's sub. So she put us into new seats - Clarence and me were the only two people in the whole room that she didn't move. Praise God! 

Clarence is on restrictions again - DAMN. Which means he can't come over tonight. Which means he might not be able to come over Saturday morning!!! (gasp!)

 

 

 

 

Saturday
October 6, 1973

Yesterday found out who the new sophomore class officers are -  Scott Kelly, President; Starla Hudgins, V.P.; Desirae G., Secretary; Diana Davidson, Treasurer.

Everything is going wrong for me all of a sudden ... I'm not in a bad mood, but all these things are starting to get me down. Clarence couldn't come over this morning at 7, like we'd been planning all week, and that was a blow. And now I've got to find a way to get out of going to Dave S.' house for dinner. He's a nice guy, but I really, really wish he'd get off my back. I've TOLD him about Clarence, but still he persists - asks me to church, asks me to Homecoming, asks me to a movie, asks me to dinner. If I go to dinner at his house tonight, that'll blow my whole evening!! But how can I get out of it??? Oh Lord, how do I get myself into these things?

Am at Grandma's, as usual. Hmmm, should go wash my hair.

Later:

I took a long hot bath, but my hair looked so good I decided not to wash it.

What a waste this day has been .... what a waste it'll be tonight, too. Am just sitting here, waiting for Clarence to call (it's almost noon). If he calls, then I''m gonna go home early & he's going to come over for a while.

He just called - what a crummy conversation. Now I'm so depressed I can hardly think. I feel so sad and unhappy. Why is EVERYTHING going wrong? I don't want to go to Dave's, but I opened my big mouth and committed myself. My throat hurts and my arms are sticky from bath oil.

Basically this is the end of the journal. A couple of pages of "goodies" follow.

 

REMINDERS V19 A 5600M 36A 7.00

Tape is hidden in short/housecoat pocket!!!

Penny jar count Aug. 7, 1973 $1.06

Dave M., RRI Bonnet Hill Site/Prince George, B.C./CANADA

 

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

7/12/73 "Yes. No. OK?" Terri Vert

7/13/73 "You're beautiful." Clarence Trepanier

7/23/73 "You MORON!" CGT

7/31/73 "Walk in sunshine always." David Canary

8/11/73 "Meeting is the beginning of parting." Darlene Carr, "To Rome W/Love"

8/12/73 "Love can't wait to give; Lust can't wait to get." ("Chips," my counselor @ camp)

8/14/73 "Satan hates you - and sin is his tool to destroy you." ("Eli," Camp Firwood 73)

8/29/73 "You are never hurt by something you didn't say." The Newlywed Game

9/10/73 "As one day folds gently into another ..." TLV

 

 

This whole ledger makes me sick. How could I have ever seriously thought I was in love with a creep like Clarence?? (Two years later, July 9, 1975)

 

No it doesn't - I like this ledger. It takes me back to a simpler place & time. Clarence was my first love and, happily, we are friends now and always will be. (Another two years later, November 14, 1977)

 

 

FAVORITE SONGS DURING THIS JOURNAL:

"I'd Rather Be A Cowboy" - John Denver
"Delta Dawn" - Helen Reddy
"We're An American Band" - Grand Funk
"Loves Me Like A Rock" - Paul Simon
"Saturday Night" - Elton John
"Brother Louie" - Stories
"Goin' Home" - The Osmonds
"All Over The World" - The Heywoods
"Everything Will Turn Out Fine" - Stealer's Wheel
"Half Breed" - Cher
"Basketball Jones" - Cheech and Chong
"Knockin On Heavens Door" - Bob Dylan
"He" - Today's People
"Heartbeat" - The DeFranko Family
"We May Never Pass This Way Again" - Seals & Crofts
"All I Know" - Art Garfunkle
"Top of the World" - The Carpenters






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