Originally posted on the
Health Online forum
bringing me stuff, in preparation for my surgery: music, DVDs, magazines, lollipops, entire bags of
frozen Chinese chicken dumplings (I call them "meat pillows").
Yesterday Marie brought me a handmade
patchwork vest, similar to one she wears all the time.
beautiful," I told her sincerely, although
secretly I am convinced that it will never
How could it? How could something so small, so
delicate, so feminine ever fit across this mammoth chest of mine?
I suppose I won't truly *believe* until I'm standing in front
of the mirror, watching myself fasten the buttons ...
Today I am concentrating on work, trying to get
as much "done" in advance as possible. I want the office to
run efficiently in my absence. (Read this: I don't want
anybody calling me on my sickbed, demanding to know where the extra fax
toner is.) It's keeping me busy and distracted and helping
the day to pass, at least. Later today our office is closing
couple of hours, so we can all go out to lunch and celebrate one of the
agents meeting her rental goal last month. Part of me does not
want to go to the lunch: I'm exhausted, my stomach is upset, my allergies are killing me
can't take anything for it: no meds before surgery)
... AND on top of everything else I'm
feeling even "boobier" than
usual today. It's as though my breasts have decided to grow EVEN
MORE GINORMOUS THAN EVER BEFORE ... just to
go out in a blaze of glory, I suppose. I feel big and bloated
and cranky and anxious, and all
I really want to do is hole up here in my little office and
until my fingers fall off. But I'm going to force myself to
go to the lunch anyway ... hopefully it will draw me out of my own head for a little
Plus: free lunch. Can't argue with that.
to throw a rock?