| February 13,
A Totem Pole *Anniversary*
A year ago this week, I stepped off the elevator to begin my new job ... and accidentally stepped into a career.
I've been trying to scrape it off the bottom of my shoe, ever since.
I don't know which is worse: having tons and tons of talent and absolutely zero ambition ... or having no talent whatsoever and all of the ambition in the universe. I suspect the latter, if only because it seems dangerously less self-aware. Also because most of the talent-free-yet-relentlessly-ambitious people I've known have also been incredibly annoying.
In my case, I know I have the talent it takes to be the world's greatest Executive Ass. The past year has convinced me of that. If I can survive Franz, I can survive anything.
It's just that I don't especially have the ambition to be an Executive Ass anymore.
At least ... not at The Totem Pole Company.
Which is why I sat at my desk on Friday afternoon -- the one year anniversary of my first full day at the TPC -- and composed my letter of resignation.
After I composed the resignation letter, I printed it, signed it ...
... and promptly chickened out.
I stashed the letter away in my Tickler File, under "Action Items/Week of Feb. 14" (right next to the invoice for Franz' new mattress and box springs), and then spent the rest of the day Friday blearily attending to business as usual.
Since the Human Resources Director Person was out of town, I composed the letter to her as an e-mail. After it was written, I sat there at my desk for an hour or so, reading it and re-reading it and re-re-reading it.
Should I send it?
Should I rewrite it? Maybe make it sound a little less ... I dunno ... unhappy and honest?
Should I hold it until Monday? Stash it in the Tickler File, along with the resignation letter and the mattress invoice ... knowing full well that come Monday morning, I would probably put the resignation letter AND the e-mail -- if not the invoice -- into the shredder ... and then continue doing those stoopid push-ups in the mud every day for the next bazillion years?
But eventually I surprised myself and did the only thing I could do, under the circumstances. The bravest thing. The scariest thing. The most dangerous and unsettling thing.
The thing that smells a little bit like "ambition."
I closed my eyes ... and hit *Send.*
And then I headed for the bus stop and home, so I could spend the weekend making my decision.
blurb #1 will go HERE: so.
have i decided what i'm going to do?
but then again it's only 2:24 p.m. on sunday afternoon ... i have another 15 hours, 36 minutes and three-quarters of a pound of Peanut M&M's left to think about it.
[in the meantime ... i'm fine-tuning the résumé. how do you spell "neuroanatomy?"]
where i'll ask
a *relevant* question:
amazingly profound thought of the day: "Get ready for a new phase of your life's work. You can enjoy the fruits of your past efforts when new business opportunities come your way next week. Don't jump the gun, however, and mess up a good thing just because you're restless. Make sure all agreements are sound and secure. Your financial life could be in jeopardy if you indulge a whim or allow wishful thinking to take hold. Ask questions and get everything in writing. Then you can make a change." ~ my horoscope on friday ~