February 19, 1999
FAQ


I continue to draw breath  --  and paychecks. Life is good.

However, I'm obviously still having problems finding time to write. In the mornings I'm too crazed, in the evenings I'm too wiped out, and on the weekends I'm too busy. It's making me nuts. I've got to figure something out soon. (Although  -- as I said to David last night  --  if this is the biggest thing I've got to worry about, I'm pretty *#%$ng lucky.)

I've been on the job for two weeks now, and people around the office have finally stopped asking me the dreaded *Questions Everybody Always Ask The New Person* (Just To Be Polite). You know the questions I mean. Stuff like:


"How do you like it here (the Bay Area in general) so far?"

My reply: "I love it. It's wonderful. I feel like I've been here forever."

Or ...


"How do you like it here (the company in particular) so far?"

My reply: "I love it. It's wonderful. I feel like I've been here forever."


I've also been hearing THIS one a lot: What brings you to California?

Usually I say "I'm here for the cheese" and leave it at that.

(If they persist, I explain that I moved to California to be closer to my boyfriend. If they have ever endured the peculiar torment of long-distance romance, they are instantly sympathetic: you can see it in their eyes. The rest of 'em just look at me like I'm nuts.) 


Then there's this perennial favorite:

"Isn't this weather terrible?" (after this past week or so of polite uninspired little rainstorms)

This is always a fun question to ask someone born and raised in Seattle, forcryingoutloud.



I like this one:

"Are these your children?" (as they eyeball the 43,897,621 Tot Photos strategically taped to every inch of my workspace).

"Actually, those are my writers."




This one never fails to amaze me:

"Did you see Bob H./Bob B./Bob V.H. walk by?"

First of all ... there are wayyy too many "Bobs" in this company: someone is gonna have to start answering to "Robert" or "Bobby," right now. (Flip a coin or something, guys.)  And second of all, I have been here for precisely nine days. There are almost two hundred employees working for this company. I need until at LEAST Memorial Day to get everyone rememberized.



And finally ... this one:

"Do you know where we keep the coffee filters/#16001 overhead projector pens/peanut M&M's/hanging file folders/extra Kleenex/11 x 17 transparencies/San Francisco phone books?"

Me [helplessly]: "Hey ... I'm still trying to find the ladies' room."




And then, of course ... there are the questions I wish they would ask ... like:


"Does this taste too *chocolatey* to you?"

"Would you mind slowing down a little? You're typing so fast, the ITS Manager is afraid the system is going to crash."

"You wouldn't happen to have a spare America Online Version 4.0 installation CD, would you?" (Me: "Sure I do! It's right here, under my coffee cup.")

"The Nap Room has had a cancellation: can we pencil you in for the 2:30-4:00 spot?"

"Hey! Weren't you Miss Fire Prevention 1969-1970?"






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